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Episode 91: Love, Self-doubt and Attachment


This episode is about, self-doubt, love, attachment theory and…burgers!

If you’re sad at the prospect of being alone forever, terrified of settling for someone you don’t really like anymore, if you are convinced that there is only one true soul mate out there for you, if you are dating complete arses, or Insta stalking your ex, if you feel like the entire model of coupledom forever is just not for you, then grab a cuppa and listen in close, this episode is for you!

So what’s this episode really about? 

  • The intersection of self-doubt in love, how many choices we have, why we want what we want and why we often don’t get what we want.
  • Why we accept the love we think we deserve (quoting Charlie from The Perks of Being a Wallflower)
  • How we show up in relationships and some ways you can reflect on this.
  • The idea of love as we see it in our culture today.

Why you should listen

I take a look at attachment theory and self-doubt: how this can help us understand the beliefs and behaviours of how we connect with other people.

And you’ve got homework! Three questions to ask yourself about you and your relationship right now that can help you experiment with healthier ways of being in relationships. 


Find your attachment style

Books I recommend:

  • Insecure in Love by Leslie Becker-Phelps
  • Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment by Amir Levine and Rachel S. F. Heller
  • Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Dr. Sue Johnson
  • Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy by Jessica Fern

You can quote me on that…

“Love is hard, it’s one of the most emotionally complex things you will ever do. It’s a full house of psychological risk, so no wonder our self-doubt gets really twitchy.” – Sas Petherick.

“As soon as you raise your standards, as soon as you say I am worthy of being loved because I like myself enough to require that, you will never walk into a McDonalds and ask for a damn Whopper.” – Sas Petherick

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